For those who didnt get the first post, here is wan article Thanks to the Chicago Tribune.
It turns out that Sen. Barack Obama not only has impeccable timing and creative writers, but the freshman Democratic senator from Illinois who has arrived in Washington to exceedingly great expectations among leaders of a party desperately in need of new leaders also can sing.
And when Obama had a chance in the spotlight tonight at the annual dinner of The Gridiron Club to poke some fun at the Bush administration, lampoon Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting mishap and even take a few pokes at himself and his own party, he rolled it all out with extraordinary ease. He unloosed a song to boot, sung to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain,'' with the punch-line landing on John McCain.
Obama's standup was a hard act to follow. Ask President Bush, who closed the four-hour, white-tie dinner in a ballroom of a Washington hotel with a few jokes of his own but seemed at a loss for return fire.
"Sen. Obama, I want to do a joke on you,'' Bush said. "But doing a joke on you is like doing a joke on the Pope. Give me something to work with… Mispronounce something.
''Lynne Cheney, the vice president's wife, also followed Obama with a de rigeur Republican response, noting with a sense of irony that the senator had "emerged'' from his "shell."
"There is one good thing about speaking this late,'' she said. "All the hunting jokes have been used up.
''Most of them were used up by Obama, who opened with a show of pleasure for the "extravaganza'' of the evening, attended by Bush, Cheney, half the Cabinet, Chief Justice John Roberts Jr., the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff and a cast of media stars at a perenially private, "Closed Press'' event.
"Men in tails. Women in gowns,'' Obama marveled. "An orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of like dinner at the Kerrys.
"Nice to see you, Mr. President and Mrs. Bush,'' Obama said to the president seated to his right and first lady to his left. "I think it takes a great spirit for the president, who we all know is an early riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night, watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.
''Wielding a script for which Democratic political consultant David Axelrod bears a great amount of credit, Obama noted the absence of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: "You know, the president promised a muscular foreign policy. And anyone who's seen the Condi Rice workout tapes knows he means business.
"The truth is, I'm terrified to be here,'' he said. "Not because you're such a tough audience, but because they're serving drinks. I'm standing about 30 yards from the vice president, and I'm a lawyer. The only thing that could make this more dangerous is if he considered me a friend.
"Mr. vice president, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one,'' said Obama, having fun with Cheney's recent accidental shooting and wounding of Texas attorney Harry Whittington on a quail-hunting trip in Texas. "But I do want to thank you. For years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot.
"You've taught us a valuable lesson,'' Obama told Cheney. "Aim higher.''
Cheney found himself pulling at his eyeglasses to wipe tears of laughter at times, though the president seemed to find less ready humor in Obama's remarks. Obama honed in on Cheney.
"There's probably only one person more sick of these jokes than you, and that's your wife,'' Obama continued, hammering on the accident which took the vice president's office nearly a day to publicly reveal.
"It's an honor to share this stage with Lynne Cheney – a great personage in her own right,'' Obama said. "Scholar. Author. A few years ago, she wrote a book called, Telling the Truth, or as they call it in the vice president's office, Telling the truth – 24 hours later.
"This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months,'' Obama said, turning to his own brief career in the U.S. Senate. "I've been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic convention. The cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy for reading it on tape. And I've had the chance to speak not once but twice before the Gridiron Club.
"Really, what else is there to do?'' he asked. "Well, I guess I could pass a law or something."
About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to write an autobiography at the age of 33,'' the senator said. "But people seemed to like it. So now I'm working on volume two – the Senate months. My remarkable journey from 99th in seniority to 98th.
"Believe me, when you're the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have plenty of time to collect your thoughts,'' he said. "Especially when Joe Biden's on the committee.
"I'll tell you, that Grammy was a big surprise. I thought, for sure Jack Abramoff would win for his rendition of 'It's hard Out Here for a Pimp.' (And with that line for the indicted lobbyist, Obama drew a good sound belly laugh from Bush, who of course maintains that he doesn't know Abramoff.)
"This whole ethics thing has been an adventure,'' said Obama, cast by his party to help seek ethical reforms in the aftermath of the Abramoff scandal. "I was really excited when they asked me to be the lead Democratic spokesman. But I don't know. Turns out, it's a little like being given the Kryptonite concession at a Superman convention. I mean, how did I know it was a freshman hazing? Maybe I can explain it this way:'
'And with that introduction, the band struck up a familiar refrain from The Wizard of Oz, and Obama proceeded to sing from the podium, with a steady, unflinching, and even in-tune delivery of a song about the senator from Arizona with a reputation as a maverick and potential Republican candidate for president in 2008 with whom Obama recently shared a rough-edged exchange of letters:
"I'm aspiring to greatness, but somehow I feel weightless.
A freshman's sad refrain.
I could be a great uniter, making ethics rules much tighter,
If I only had McCain.
"I could bring us all together, no storm we couldn't weather.
We'd feel each other's pain.Red and blue wouldn't matter, party differences would shatter,
If I only had McCain.
"Oh why is it so hard, for honest men of good will to agree.
If we ever found a way to strike a deal, would we survive… politically?
"When a wide-eyed young idealist confronts a seasoned realist,
there's bound to be some strain.
With the game barely started, I'd be feeling less downhearted,
If I only had McCain.
"Still I hope for the better, though I may rewrite my letter,
cause I gotta have McCain.
''Obama offered an unnecessary apology for his solo peformance:
"Needless to say, my Grammy was in the spoken word category.
"I should say that I really do get along well with Sen. McCain,'' Obama told the reporters and editors filling the hotel ballroom. "But as you know, not everyone in politics does. Because of his superstar status, his virtuous image, the kind of hero worship treatment he gets from all of 'you, some of my colleagues call John a prima dona. Me? I call him a role model.
"Think of it as affirmative action,'' he said. "Why should the white guys be the only ones who are overhyped?''The night was incomplete without a mention of Valerie Plame, the CIA agent whose identity was revealed by members of the Bush administration, prompting a federal prosecutor's investigation that has led to the indictment and resignation of Cheney's former chief of staff, Scooter Libby.
"By the way, before I forget,'' Obama told the audience. "Raise your hand if Karl Rove didn't tell you about Valerie Plame.
"Some folks say you've lost your investigative intensity,'' Obama said. "You were a little slow to question the weapons of mass destruction. Maybe got a little used on that whole Valerie Plame thing. But, by God, you brought Dick Cheney to justice, and the world's better off for it.
"Or, at least Gridiron speakers and late-night comedians were better off for it.''
Turning for not quite equal time on his party, Obama said: "You know, the Gridiron Club is an aging institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for providing a forum for jokes.
"To some,'' he said, "that may sound like the Democratic Party."
You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don't stand for anything. That's really unfair,'' he said. "We do stand for anything."
Some folks say the answer for the Democratic Party is to stop being so calculating and start standing up for principle,'' he said. "In fact (Senate Minority Leader) Harry Reid's appointed a task force to study this option.
"The Republicans have been poking fun at Democrats for not being united behind a single voice in our party,'' Obama said. "I think that's unfair, and it smacks a little of sexism. And just because the leading voice in our party is a strong-willed, outspoken liberal woman with a famous husband does not mean the Democrats are adrift…. And I, for one, want to thank Barbra Streisand for her great leadership.
"I'm sick of people attacking Democrats as being out of touch, saying we lose elections because we're all a bunch of snobby intellectuals who can't speak the common man's language,'' he said.
"I mean, what kind of a supercilious argument is that?
"Take John Edwards. He's leading a new war on poverty – from his Chapel Hill estate. And he's educating us. I had no idea there was so much poverty in New Hampshire.''
(Cheney's glasses were starting to come off again.)
"Speaking of New Hampshire, a lot of speculation that that 2008 campaign could come down to Sen. McCain and Hillary Clinton. The thing I don't think people realize is how much John and Hillary have in common. They're both very smart. Both very hard-working. And they're both hated by Republicans.''
(Both Bush and Cheney seemed to alight on that line.)
"I mean, wow, it really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President,'' Obama said. "I missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw Crash in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story.
"And how about that ports deal?'' he added, with a reference to the attempted takeover of several U.S. port operations by an Arab firm and a shot at Bush's experience with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.. "I feel for you, sir. It's tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one comes to help.''
"And then there's the flap about global warming,'' Obama said. "You know, the Bush administration's been a little skeptical about the whole concept of global warming. It's actually not the warming part they question. It's the globe…. The president was so excited about Tom Friedman's book, The World is Flat. As soon as he saw the title, he said, 'You see? I was right.''
'"But when people say the administration is hostile to science, that's really a bad rap. Just last week, they asked for a hundred million dollars for the NIH to fund new research into leech therapy.
"I was told that this dinner is off the record,'' Obama said, moving on to the National Security Agency's warrantless domestic eavesdropping in search for terrorists. "No taping or recording of this event, unless, of course, secretly authorize by the president. I completely trust the president with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance of caution, and not implying anything, I've asked my staff to conduct all phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo.
"Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for homeland security,'' he said. "And I have a suggestion in this regard, Mr. President: you can spy on the Weather Channel, and find out when big storms are coming.
"You all watch the winter Olympics?'' he asked. "I'm sure a lot of us in politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts… I also enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time…
"Probably not your sport, Mr. Vice President.
''Obama closed with obligatory praise for the work of the free press that served as host for his humor, something echoed by Lynne Cheney as well – for Bush's part, he closed with a few jokes about improving his relations with the press, including Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's plan to amend the First Amendment. Instead of a free press, Bush said Rumsfeld was looking at "free checking.
''But Obama also closed with thanks for all the celebrity he has found during his brief tenure here.
"Most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in anticipation of a successful career,'' he said. "When I actually do something, we'll let you know.''
Showing posts with label McCain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label McCain. Show all posts
Thursday, February 14, 2008
SEN. BARACK OBAMA'S GRIDIRON SPEECH
This speech at the Gridiron Dinner in the first week of April 2006 is really filled with humor! Anyone with a sesne of humor should read this.
SEN. BARACK OBAMA'S GRIDIRON SPEECH
Thank you very much:
It's great to be at the Gridiron dinner. Wow, What an extravaganza! Men in tails. Women in gowns. An orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of like dinner at the Kerrys.
Nice to see you Mr. President and Mrs. Bush. I think it takes a great spirit for the President, who we all know is an early riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night, watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.
I don't see the Secretary of State is here tonight. You know, the President promised a muscular foreign policy. And anyone who's seen the Condi Rice workout tapes knows he means business.
The truth is, I'm terrified to be here. Not because you're such a tough audience, but because they're serving drinks, I'm standing about 30 yards from the Vice President, and…Mr. Vice President this is too easy!
Mr. Vice President, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one. But I do want to thank you: for years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot. You've taught us a valuable lesson: aim higher.
There's probably only one person more sick of these jokes than you… and that's your wife. It's an honor to share this stage with Lynne Cheney -- a great personage in her own right. Scholar. Author. A few years ago she wrote a book called, “Telling the Truth,��? or as they call it in the Vice President's office, “Telling the Truth-24 hours later.��?
The Vice President and I do have one thing in common, we both married up. I want to acknowledge my wife, Michelle, who is here tonight. This is a true story: a friend sent me a clip about a new study by a psychologist at the University of Scotland, who says sex before a public speaking engagement actually enhances your oratorical powers. I showed this clip to Michelle, before we arrived here tonight. She looked it over, handed it back and said, “Do the best you can!��?
This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months. I've been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic Convention. The cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy for reading it on tape. And I've had the chance to speak not once but twice before the Gridiron Club. Really what else is there to do? Well, I guess…. I could pass a law, or something…
About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to write an autobiography at the age of 33, but people seemed to like it. So now I'm working on volume two-the Senate Months.
My Remarkable Journey from 99th in Seniority to 98th.
(With an introduction by Nelson Mandela.)
Believe me, when you're the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have plenty of time to collect your thoughts. Especially when Joe Biden's on the committee.
I'll tell you, that Grammy was a big surprise. I thought, for sure, Jack Abramoff would win for his rendition of “It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp.��?
As I said, it's great to be here speaking opposite Lynne Cheney. As you may know, Mrs. Cheney was a late substitution for Senator John McCain. And speaking of Senator McCain.
This whole ethics thing has been an adventure. I was really excited when they asked me to be the lead Democratic spokesman. But I don't know. Turns out, it's a little like being given the Kryptonite concession at a Superman convention. I mean, how did I know it was a freshman hazing? It gets a little depressing. So as I sometimes do when I get a little down, I wrote a song. Maestro?
(To the tune of “If I Only Had a Brain��?)
I'm aspiring to greatness, but somehow I feel weightless
A freshman's sad refrain
I could be a great uniter, making ethics rules much tighter
If I only had McCain
I could bring us all together, no storm we couldn't weather,
We'd feel each other's pain
Red and blue wouldn't matter, party differences would shatter
If I only had McCain
Oh why is it so hard, for honest men of good will to agree,
If we ever found a way to strike a deal, would we survive… politically?
When a wide-eyed young idealist, confronts a seasoned realist
There's bound to be some strain
With the game barely started, I'd be feeling less downhearted
If I only had McCain
Still I hope for the better, though I may rewrite my letterCause I gotta have McCainNeedless to say, my Grammy was in the spoken word category!
I should say that I really do get along well with Senator McCain. But as you know, not everyone in politics does. Because of his superstar status, his virtuous image, the kind of hero worship treatment he gets from all of you, some of my colleagues call John a prima donna. Me? I call him a role model. (Think of it as affirmative action. Why should the white guys be the only ones who are overhyped?)
By the way, before I forget, raise your hand if Karl Rove didn't tell you about Valerie Plame?
You know, The Gridiron Club is an aging institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for providing a forum for jokes. To some, that may sound like the Democratic Party.
You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don't stand for anything. That's really unfair. We DO stand for anything.
Some folks say the answer for the Democratic Party is to stop being so calculating, and start standing up for principle. In fact, Harry Reid's appointed a task force to study this option.
But really, they say our party doesn't have ideas? We have ideas.
Take John Edwards. He's leading a new war on poverty… from his Chapel Hill estate. And he's educating us. I had no idea there was so much poverty in New Hampshire!
Speaking of New Hampshire, a lot of speculation that that 2008 campaign could come down to Senator McCain and Hillary Clinton. The thing I don't think people realize is how much John and Hillary have in common: They're both very smart. Both very hardworking. And they're both hated by the Republicans!
A lot of folks want to be President, but, I mean, wow, it really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President. I missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw “Crash��? in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story.
And how about that ports deal? I feel for you, sir. It's tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one comes up
to help!
And then there's the flap about global warming. You know, the Bush Administration's been a little skeptical about the whole concept of global warming. It's actually not the warming part they question. It's the globe.
The President was so excited about Tom Friedman's book, The World is Flat. As soon as he saw the title, he said, “You see, I was right!��?
But when people say the administration is hostile to science, that's really a bad rap. Just last week they asked for a hundred million dollars for the NIH to fund new research into leech therapy.
I was told that this dinner is off-the record… no taping or recording of this event, unless, of course, secretly authorized by the President.
I completely trust the President with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance of caution, and not implying anything, I've asked my staff to conduct all phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo.
Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for Homeland Security. And I have a suggestion, in this regard, Mr. President: You can spy on the Weatherchannel, and find out when big storms are coming.
You all watch the winter Olympics? Mrs. Bush was there, representing our country, and that was great. I'm sure a lot of us in politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts.
And the curling. Wasn't that something? I hear Andy Stern from the SEIU loved the curling so much he's trying to organize the sweepers.
I also enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time. Probably not your sport, Mr. Vice President.
Hey, it's been great fun to be a part of this tonight. But before I go, I want to say a few words about the work you do.
For a democracy to succeed and flourish, people must have full and free access to information about what's going on in their world and, yes, in their government.
The framers of the Constitution understood that, which is why the very first amendment deals with the indispensable freedoms of speech and press. Those rights, those freedoms, the access to information citizens absolutely require in a democratic society are no less important today.
Pursuing that information is not always easy. Sometimes you meet resistance from powerful institutions that would sooner operate in secrecy. And sometimes, as in Iraq, you literally risk your lives to keep the American people informed.
Tonight, even as we laugh together, I want to thank you for that important and often courageous work and extend my prayers to those journalists and their families who have made and continue to make great sacrifices to fulfill this essential mission.
And most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in anticipation of a successful career. When I actually do something, we'll let you know.
Thanks for having me!
EXCERPTS FROM PRESIDENT BUSH``Senator Obama, I wanted to do a joke on you,'' Bush said, ``but it's like doing a joke on the Pope.''Complained Bush, ``..Give me some material to work with here. You know, mispronounce something.''
``I really chewed Dick out for the way he handled the whole thing. I said, ``Dick, I've got an approval rating of 38 percent and you shoot the only trial lawyer in the country who likes me.''
``You know, there are all these conspiracy theories that Dick runs the country...or Karl runs the country. Why aren't there any conspiracy theories that I run the country?Really ticks me off. The truth is I do run the country....by Dick runs me and Lynne runs Dick.So actually Lynne runs the country.And Lynne, I think you're doing a heckuva job.Although I have to say you dropped the ball big time on that Dubai deal.''
``And I'm proud that from across the political spectrum Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives, came out in opposition to the port deal.I've always said I'm a united not a divider.''
SEN. BARACK OBAMA'S GRIDIRON SPEECH
Thank you very much:
It's great to be at the Gridiron dinner. Wow, What an extravaganza! Men in tails. Women in gowns. An orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of like dinner at the Kerrys.
Nice to see you Mr. President and Mrs. Bush. I think it takes a great spirit for the President, who we all know is an early riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night, watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.
I don't see the Secretary of State is here tonight. You know, the President promised a muscular foreign policy. And anyone who's seen the Condi Rice workout tapes knows he means business.
The truth is, I'm terrified to be here. Not because you're such a tough audience, but because they're serving drinks, I'm standing about 30 yards from the Vice President, and…Mr. Vice President this is too easy!
Mr. Vice President, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one. But I do want to thank you: for years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot. You've taught us a valuable lesson: aim higher.
There's probably only one person more sick of these jokes than you… and that's your wife. It's an honor to share this stage with Lynne Cheney -- a great personage in her own right. Scholar. Author. A few years ago she wrote a book called, “Telling the Truth,��? or as they call it in the Vice President's office, “Telling the Truth-24 hours later.��?
The Vice President and I do have one thing in common, we both married up. I want to acknowledge my wife, Michelle, who is here tonight. This is a true story: a friend sent me a clip about a new study by a psychologist at the University of Scotland, who says sex before a public speaking engagement actually enhances your oratorical powers. I showed this clip to Michelle, before we arrived here tonight. She looked it over, handed it back and said, “Do the best you can!��?
This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months. I've been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic Convention. The cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy for reading it on tape. And I've had the chance to speak not once but twice before the Gridiron Club. Really what else is there to do? Well, I guess…. I could pass a law, or something…
About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to write an autobiography at the age of 33, but people seemed to like it. So now I'm working on volume two-the Senate Months.
My Remarkable Journey from 99th in Seniority to 98th.
(With an introduction by Nelson Mandela.)
Believe me, when you're the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have plenty of time to collect your thoughts. Especially when Joe Biden's on the committee.
I'll tell you, that Grammy was a big surprise. I thought, for sure, Jack Abramoff would win for his rendition of “It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp.��?
As I said, it's great to be here speaking opposite Lynne Cheney. As you may know, Mrs. Cheney was a late substitution for Senator John McCain. And speaking of Senator McCain.
This whole ethics thing has been an adventure. I was really excited when they asked me to be the lead Democratic spokesman. But I don't know. Turns out, it's a little like being given the Kryptonite concession at a Superman convention. I mean, how did I know it was a freshman hazing? It gets a little depressing. So as I sometimes do when I get a little down, I wrote a song. Maestro?
(To the tune of “If I Only Had a Brain��?)
I'm aspiring to greatness, but somehow I feel weightless
A freshman's sad refrain
I could be a great uniter, making ethics rules much tighter
If I only had McCain
I could bring us all together, no storm we couldn't weather,
We'd feel each other's pain
Red and blue wouldn't matter, party differences would shatter
If I only had McCain
Oh why is it so hard, for honest men of good will to agree,
If we ever found a way to strike a deal, would we survive… politically?
When a wide-eyed young idealist, confronts a seasoned realist
There's bound to be some strain
With the game barely started, I'd be feeling less downhearted
If I only had McCain
Still I hope for the better, though I may rewrite my letterCause I gotta have McCainNeedless to say, my Grammy was in the spoken word category!
I should say that I really do get along well with Senator McCain. But as you know, not everyone in politics does. Because of his superstar status, his virtuous image, the kind of hero worship treatment he gets from all of you, some of my colleagues call John a prima donna. Me? I call him a role model. (Think of it as affirmative action. Why should the white guys be the only ones who are overhyped?)
By the way, before I forget, raise your hand if Karl Rove didn't tell you about Valerie Plame?
You know, The Gridiron Club is an aging institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for providing a forum for jokes. To some, that may sound like the Democratic Party.
You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don't stand for anything. That's really unfair. We DO stand for anything.
Some folks say the answer for the Democratic Party is to stop being so calculating, and start standing up for principle. In fact, Harry Reid's appointed a task force to study this option.
But really, they say our party doesn't have ideas? We have ideas.
Take John Edwards. He's leading a new war on poverty… from his Chapel Hill estate. And he's educating us. I had no idea there was so much poverty in New Hampshire!
Speaking of New Hampshire, a lot of speculation that that 2008 campaign could come down to Senator McCain and Hillary Clinton. The thing I don't think people realize is how much John and Hillary have in common: They're both very smart. Both very hardworking. And they're both hated by the Republicans!
A lot of folks want to be President, but, I mean, wow, it really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President. I missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw “Crash��? in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story.
And how about that ports deal? I feel for you, sir. It's tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one comes up
to help!
And then there's the flap about global warming. You know, the Bush Administration's been a little skeptical about the whole concept of global warming. It's actually not the warming part they question. It's the globe.
The President was so excited about Tom Friedman's book, The World is Flat. As soon as he saw the title, he said, “You see, I was right!��?
But when people say the administration is hostile to science, that's really a bad rap. Just last week they asked for a hundred million dollars for the NIH to fund new research into leech therapy.
I was told that this dinner is off-the record… no taping or recording of this event, unless, of course, secretly authorized by the President.
I completely trust the President with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance of caution, and not implying anything, I've asked my staff to conduct all phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo.
Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for Homeland Security. And I have a suggestion, in this regard, Mr. President: You can spy on the Weatherchannel, and find out when big storms are coming.
You all watch the winter Olympics? Mrs. Bush was there, representing our country, and that was great. I'm sure a lot of us in politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts.
And the curling. Wasn't that something? I hear Andy Stern from the SEIU loved the curling so much he's trying to organize the sweepers.
I also enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time. Probably not your sport, Mr. Vice President.
Hey, it's been great fun to be a part of this tonight. But before I go, I want to say a few words about the work you do.
For a democracy to succeed and flourish, people must have full and free access to information about what's going on in their world and, yes, in their government.
The framers of the Constitution understood that, which is why the very first amendment deals with the indispensable freedoms of speech and press. Those rights, those freedoms, the access to information citizens absolutely require in a democratic society are no less important today.
Pursuing that information is not always easy. Sometimes you meet resistance from powerful institutions that would sooner operate in secrecy. And sometimes, as in Iraq, you literally risk your lives to keep the American people informed.
Tonight, even as we laugh together, I want to thank you for that important and often courageous work and extend my prayers to those journalists and their families who have made and continue to make great sacrifices to fulfill this essential mission.
And most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in anticipation of a successful career. When I actually do something, we'll let you know.
Thanks for having me!
EXCERPTS FROM PRESIDENT BUSH``Senator Obama, I wanted to do a joke on you,'' Bush said, ``but it's like doing a joke on the Pope.''Complained Bush, ``..Give me some material to work with here. You know, mispronounce something.''
``I really chewed Dick out for the way he handled the whole thing. I said, ``Dick, I've got an approval rating of 38 percent and you shoot the only trial lawyer in the country who likes me.''
``You know, there are all these conspiracy theories that Dick runs the country...or Karl runs the country. Why aren't there any conspiracy theories that I run the country?Really ticks me off. The truth is I do run the country....by Dick runs me and Lynne runs Dick.So actually Lynne runs the country.And Lynne, I think you're doing a heckuva job.Although I have to say you dropped the ball big time on that Dubai deal.''
``And I'm proud that from across the political spectrum Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives, came out in opposition to the port deal.I've always said I'm a united not a divider.''
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